BIG DEAL!! I get a little ANAL about it!! :P

Ok today, I’m feeling very bored being diabetic. But yeah, it is just there. So I think I might as well do something about it, a little more sincerely. So I recently met this nutritionist last week. Guess what I discovered about myself! I’m very ANAL about Diabetes. Obviously with all the love-hate relationship I have with Diabetes, I do have a tendency to get anal about the condition or whatever it is called. I’m extremely bored today and I don’t feel like addressing it with respect after a lot of thought and analysis. In fact, that kind of thinking and analysis only puts me in trouble. So anyway, I was talking about the nutritionist. The next thing I found out was that I’m actually ok with my diet except the binges over dinners when I’m out with friends which is about 3 or 4 times a week which kind of makes my diet pointless.Nevertheless I would like to give myself a little more credit for what I’m doing for myself. I don’t do a lot of things right for my diabetes but today I want to see all the things I’m doing right so that I inspire myself to right those things that I don’t do right otherwise.

I’m glad I went to the nutritionist because she kinda made me realise a lot of good things that I’m doing like

  1. I eat about 5 or 6 meals in a day instead of 3 square meals that make the sugar and carbs concentrated
  2. I have this small obsession about all my meals being balanced so I eat a portion of carbs, protein, fat and vitamins for most meals
  3. I don’t drink tea or coffee. I mostly drink only green tea and when I don’t find green tea, I drink black tea with lime which is very rare.
  4. I eat a fruit before I go gyming instead of going without eating anything which can make my sugar drop or make me very weak
  5. I include at least two fruits in a day in my diet
  6. Luckily I don’t like red meats so I don’t have to worry about the fat. Though its to do more about my taste, I still think its me so I’m glad there’s another thing right about what I’m doing
  7. I take methi seeds soaked in water overnight or dried neem leaf powder first thing in the morning on empty stomach. It really helps my sugar levels
  8. Oh and I like and eat all vegetables including bitter gourd. That’s just awesome because my body will get all kinds of vitamins.
  9. Though I’m a rice eater, I have developed the taste for oats and quinoa which is not always easy. Now I can eat oats and quinoa for all meals in a day.
  10. This one is something that my nutritionist mentioned about me – I have made the first move to eat right and take care of myself by visiting the nutritionist

Weirdly, as I’m writing this post, I should share that I found it so hard to write ten things that I was doing right. No, not because I’m not doing even ten things right to help my condition after having this condition for over 7 years but because I have always been a person who was obsessed about what was not right. And every time I focused on what was not right, it only made me fall even more and slack more out of the fear of the bad outcome because of all the things I’m doing wrong. So now I’m counting and telling myself its good that I have so many things going good for me on a positive note as a motivation for me to set all those things that may not be there yet.

Also, I’m to start a 3month nutrition programme with this nutritionist of mine. So I think I will keep a journal to see how I feel, react, act, what I do and don’t follow, how easy or difficult I find it, how consistent I’m. My journal is going to mostly be my blog. I’m looking forward to writing about it every day. For now, I’m happy for all the things I’m doing right and who I’m. That sounded almost like a prayer so here goes. AMEN! 😛


To the last person I still stand fighting to save me from Diabetes

Dearest EGO,

I’m writing to say that I’m done bickering with you. It is time I took on my life back for the best or worst. I’m tired of you planting your interesting but clever excuses inside my mind to stop myself from curing myself of diabetes. I’m tired of fighting the people I love for their advice for my good health. I have been fighting my uncle for years because of you. He has had stronger intent than me to get me cured of diabetes. I see you create a cozy corner for me where I can curl up and wallow in my own misery and fear and not face the fact that my body will rot and this life will go to waste if I don’t take care of my health. You have kept me in inaction and it pains me. I said a prayer this morning – the serenity prayer.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. 

I definitely know the difference now and I’m packing your bags. It’s over. You and me, we are done believing that we can live together. I don’t heal as long as you stay inside me. You don’t let me love myself. You keep me in fear, anger, pain and misery. I’m losing relationships and people because of the pain you cause me. I’m done fighting with you and today you leave. Today I started my day doing the first 3 steps of the 12 steps

  1. I’m powerless over my health and fitness that my life and relationships have become unmanageable
  2. Came to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity
  3. Turned my will and life over to the care of god as I understood him

I’m 12stepping myself like a person trying to quit on a substance just to learn to love myself more. I want more love in my life. I want to experience the sweetness of this day, the joys of this day, accept and give love in peace without the trouble of a troubled body that is hurt and decaying because of my ego. No it is not a lack of will. It is the pure inability, the powerlessness I feel with respect to my health. And so today I surrender, let go of all my ties with my ego, willing to be open to the concern of people, which is but the voice of my conscience speaking to me through others. I let go of my ego and accept my powerlessness before I WILL myself again to do something for myself.

Yours Sincerely,

My new self

%d bloggers like this: