To the last person I still stand fighting to save me from Diabetes

Dearest EGO,

I’m writing to say that I’m done bickering with you. It is time I took on my life back for the best or worst. I’m tired of you planting your interesting but clever excuses inside my mind to stop myself from curing myself of diabetes. I’m tired of fighting the people I love for their advice for my good health. I have been fighting my uncle for years because of you. He has had stronger intent than me to get me cured of diabetes. I see you create a cozy corner for me where I can curl up and wallow in my own misery and fear and not face the fact that my body will rot and this life will go to waste if I don’t take care of my health. You have kept me in inaction and it pains me. I said a prayer this morning – the serenity prayer.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. 

I definitely know the difference now and I’m packing your bags. It’s over. You and me, we are done believing that we can live together. I don’t heal as long as you stay inside me. You don’t let me love myself. You keep me in fear, anger, pain and misery. I’m losing relationships and people because of the pain you cause me. I’m done fighting with you and today you leave. Today I started my day doing the first 3 steps of the 12 steps

  1. I’m powerless over my health and fitness that my life and relationships have become unmanageable
  2. Came to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity
  3. Turned my will and life over to the care of god as I understood him

I’m 12stepping myself like a person trying to quit on a substance just to learn to love myself more. I want more love in my life. I want to experience the sweetness of this day, the joys of this day, accept and give love in peace without the trouble of a troubled body that is hurt and decaying because of my ego. No it is not a lack of will. It is the pure inability, the powerlessness I feel with respect to my health. And so today I surrender, let go of all my ties with my ego, willing to be open to the concern of people, which is but the voice of my conscience speaking to me through others. I let go of my ego and accept my powerlessness before I WILL myself again to do something for myself.

Yours Sincerely,

My new self


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